When The Lanes opened up downtown I was quite excited because I love bowling.
I’m of a certain generation that has seen the Big Lebowski and take it to heart. In fact given enough beer and the right mood we could probably do a re-enactment of the whole movie. So a bowling alley with a bar in it sounded like a dream (one where I fly over LA and end up at a bowling alley with dancing girls).
I imagined cream coloured walls, 1960s’ ‘space age’ booths and starburst designs on the walls. Beers in long-necked brown bottles. A hipster paradise where my friends and I could go and yell at each that we were out of our fucking element.
Instead we got a bad Courtenay Place nightclub.
The alley itself is a strange optical illusion. The lane looks too short and then when (with any luck) the pins are knocked down you see they are attached to strings that pull them back into place. The beers come in pint glasses and while it is nice to be able to get a martini to bowl with the Top-40 playlist with accompanying music videos tends to grate. And they won’t even let us wear hats. This aggression will not stand, man.
No, The Lanes is far from what I want in a bowling alley. They are out of their fucking element.
And so I’ll let you in on a secret: Bowlarama. I know, even the name is good, right. (read on after the jump)
Bowlarama is part of the Wellington Indoor Sports Complex where many of you might go to smash each other in the face play indoor netball. It’s also joined to Jungle-Rama (see the theme?): a place for kids to run rampant.
So why is Bowlarama better than The Lanes? Well basically everything I complained about The Lanes does not occur at Bowlarama. See Lanes? This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
Bowlarama has a reality to it that The Lanes doesn’t. The pins fly about satisfactorily and unhindered by strings. The music is still Top-40 but the surrounds aren’t demanding of anything else. The beers are in brown bottles (as are the pre-mix bourbon drinks) and are the same price as the soft drinks.
And they have a disco night. Oh yes they do! With a fucking disco ball!
It’s almost perfect. They even have League Night where folks come along in actual bowling uniforms.
So the next time your ransom cash drop goes badly and you think ‘fuck it, let’s go bowling’ don’t head to The Lanes, go to Bowlarama.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow thanks for that! The Big Lebowski is the best film of all time and up until now I’ve never been able to fully live out my passion for this film, because the Lanes suck in every way you describe.
Last time I tried to go bowling there, a freezing southerly was blowing. I hadn’t even fully stepped through the door before the guy said I couldn’t come in wearing that beanie. Duh, I was still half outside in the cold, what do you expect?! My buddies died face down in the mud so I can wear a hat out in the cold.
Anyway, now that new shit has come to light, I’ll take my business to Bowlarama.
Kingpin pwns Big Lebowski, but whatever
Superb. This is the kind of scoop I come to the wellingtonista for.
The Lanes should be renamed The Lamess.
If it makes you any happier, I know a teenager who barfed all over the Lane’s bathroom
YES bowlerama is so much better. although very bright fluorescent lighting. but those music vids above the lanes ..at lanes are so dam annoying, trying to concentrate on my game you know, difficult with some pop tart gyrating into my eyeball. only prob with bowlerama is .. well me, a couple of mates and some assorted kids went along for a game. they kindly put up the sides for the kids games so they can’t get gutterballs. they wouldn’t let me have the sides up, so the kids kicked my a’ss as well as all the adults and i haven’t lived it down yet.. i’ll be back though..
Surely, if you want somewhere that you can yell at your friends that they’re out of their fucking element, the Lanes is actually quite a good place to do that? From what you’ve said, it sounds like not at all your sort of place, so…
(Yes, I know it’s a quote.)
Hey, that’s just like your opinion man
the Dude abides!
they made me take my hat off too, pricks. I don’t go for bowling anymore, just for shuffleboard, which is awesome.
Thanks for the heads up!
I am coming to live near Wellington soon and now I can steer clear or go with a frozen head.
Maybe I’ll check out both
Ta