the wellingtonista

Oh, he doesn't just advocate avoiding Courtenay Place, he claims it as evidence ("it only takes one encounter with the drunken denizens of Courtenay Place...") to claim that Wellington is not actually a "cultural capital".

First of all, that's just shit writing, and secondly the "cultural capital" thing is something a marketer came up with to get the "cultured" tourism dollar. Using his "logic", because K Road is a disgrace at 2 am on a Sunday morning, Auckland isn't a good place to go and race yachts. What an idiot.

He also makes questionable assertions about what makes good culture; namely, Emmeline Hawthorne with no clothes on. Isn't that (a) offensive, (b) dodgy, (c) something a slobbering perve munter would say, or (d) all of the above?

Who is Emmeline Hawthorne? Come to that who is Glinda Kirkpatrick & what's she doing with my face?

On 2nd thoughts, don't answer the latter question.

"why would you marry a law mower?"

Is that like a criminal? Because it's cool these days - don't you watch Outrageous Fortune?

Oh good effort... replying in the wrong place.

I was referring to Sophia Hawthorne, Stephen.

Not ALL actors are from Shortland Street, not even in Auckland.

And if you're going to accuse someone of 'shit writing', perhaps you could do a little better than:

"In the 12, 13 years Ive known him, Damian Christie has never been known to not make an unsufferable twat of himself at every possible opportunity."

I know *I'm* lost, how about you? Anyone?

Yes there are a few theatres showing a range of plays, but with no Shortland Street cast members in them or the off-chance of artistic nudity from a Hawthorn what’s the point?

Right, so when I take the piss out of Auckland's obsession with Shortland Street actors, you think I'm being serious? Shit, no wonder you found the article so offensive.

As to whether or not I know you; it seems your memory of a certain period in the mid-90s is even worse than mine.

So what's your point, I'm supposed to have met you (you must be very memorable) in the mid-90s and to you that's the same as "In the 12, 13 years Ive known him"? By that definition you must know A LOT of people.

As I said Stephen, clearly you've spent a lot more time thinking about me in those 12 years than I have you. And writing angry letters to the Capital Times, apparently. Good to see those hobbies are progressing nicely. :)

As you were.

That's fine. All I'm saying is that you don't know me Stephen, so don't pretend to. It's a bit sad.

If you feel inclined to pop up here and there throwing random abuse in my direction as you have done over the years, maybe just think twice before doing it, because it just makes you sound a little bitter and a little sad.

Finally, if you do decide to go ahead, perhaps you might choose to do what most people who aren't bitter and sad do, and stick to criticism of my article rather than me.

Oh Stephen, what a reactive person you appear to be.

Personally I think being able to take criticism, both negative and positive is a very good skill, though most people only react well to the good stuff.

DC's article is pretty good in my opinion, well written and witty (having won a few awards for my own writing I feel qualified to make such an observation).

Sure he focuses on the negative, but yet another article about how wonderful Wellington is would be pretty redundant don't you think?

Wellington can indeed be a little claustrophobic- if you haven't experienced it perhaps you don't get out enough, or simply enjoy a life with little change- nothing wrong with that.

Perhaps it's just that insulation that makes DC's writing interesting- he has an outsiders view.

I disagree with DC's call on Te Papa... for me I think it's great we have a Disney Park of Culture, which the rest of the country seems to be jealous of. More fool the rest of the country huh?

I also don't think Wellie needs celebrities- you see celebrities are really just like you and me. Often with an air of discomfort that comes with knowing you're "only on Shortland street, or an ex hooker" in NZ and eventually the public will turn on you.

As to the limitations DC would place on sexual partners, well perhaps he should remove the restrictions and try a tryst with sisters, ex's ex's etc... Actually if I know DC, he probably has...

Either way, I like the article. Good job DC, perhaps I will learn from it... perhaps.

yeah me and DC are friends... Not sure how that precludes me from having an opinion as I was writing about the article, not how I get lost in his far too deep gaze every now and then...

I do like the "statistics analysis to synthesis an opinion piece" angle you've taken...

A point about your reply,

sycophantic- attempting to win favour from influential people by flattery

snow-job- when a gentleman finishes inside a young lady's (or another gentleman for that matter) mouth and she kisses him...and expels the gentleman's ejaculation into his mouth.

not sure what you're getting at here...

Fx

I always thought a snowball involved jizz, smack, and speed or coke ingested from (not into) the anus or the mouth... but I'm not as worldly as some folks round here... though it is very different from a snow job...

Is it ironic that Stephen's accusing Felix of knowing me, after committing the exact opposite offence, of claiming to know me when he didn't? Ironic, or just a bit sad? Anyone?

Anyway, I don't think Felix was exactly hiding the fact we know each other, Stephen, perhaps if you weren't shaking so hard with rage you might've noticed the following line:

"Actually if I know DC, he probably has..."

Maybe not the smoking gun you were looking for, but Sherlock solved mysteries with less.

As for the fact you actually went and _statistically analysed_ my article...! Christ dude, you reallllllllly need to get out a little more. First writing letters to the Capital Times - I don't know anyone who even READS that, let alone writes letters - and now conducting statistical analysis of a humour (my words, not yours, clearly) piece from a magazine!

I don't want to labour the point, but is there really any way to explain this kind of behaviour without using the words "bitter" and/or "sad"? Why don't you go and buy a pet and mistreat it or something, find SOME way to release all that pent up aggression before it you have a stroke or something...

If only. Probably no surprise, but Stephen writes ANGRY letters to the Capital Times.

What worried me more about the article was the fact that a few years ago I thought that Auckland was "the cool one".

Aucklanders would visit Wellington and come home talking about how nice it was and stuff while Wellingtonians griped about Auckland weather and traffic and stuff.

I later found this was a minority in Wellingto, but that there was a minority in Auckland who looked down their noses at Wellington. These Aucklanders tended to be the more "Remuera types" (to use that "tribes of NZ" idea).

To find an article of (quite poor) satirical style in Metro was disappointing (though not really surprising). I would describe the comedy as "low" with kind of obvious jokes (Everyone in Wellington knows each other, ho ho).

I don't hate the article, I don't love the article, I am indifferent towards Damien (though I'm not a huge fan of his apparent self-importance) and I don't even know who Felix is (Felix who are you?). But really if we want a satire of Wellington shouldn't we expect a bit more than that article?

jeeeesusss... did felix just come over from kiwiblog?

d. looks to me like stephen really landed a good one on you in his first comment, because you are coming across really seriously angry.

ah huh... so you do understand sarcasm! weird I've seen your name all over this site... standing for mayoy of blogtown??

BTW been a pleasure being a party to one of the most replied to posts on this inbred little site... cheers x

Che: Nah, not angry at all really. Intrigued why Stephen has so much bile for someone he apparently met once 13 years ago, but not angry.

Haydn: Not sure where you got the self-importance thing from, remember this thing started because Stephen & Co were writing about me and/or my article, not the other way around. I'm not the one whose description of himself on his site is "an erudite blogger". I make no such claims as to my intellect.

Your first observations re Auckland were pretty bang on though Haydn. Aucklanders don't generally criticise other parts of NZ. Aucklanders don't generally talk or think about other parts of NZ, other than their place in the Coromandel and the bach up North, which is where my article is relatively novel (but not special, self-important or otherwise noteworthy).

But as most Aucklanders will tell you, the rest of NZ does have a bit Auckland shaped chip on its shoulder. But having lived in both cities for a decent period of time (about 5 years in Wellington + 5 in the Hutt, and 10+ in Auckland) I feel qualified to comment on both cities and their differences.

"Everyone in Wellington knows each other, ho ho". Yeah well if you were looking for humour in that, you're probably looking in the wrong place. That's actually true (well, not literally, but you know what I mean) And yes, it might not be a revelation to anyone that lives here, no more than the fact that Wellington has shit weather, but it's probably worth pointing out that Metro is an *Auckland* magazine. For *Aucklanders*, predominately, so they don't know quite how insular Wellington is.

Anyway, it's all good. I've spoken to people who love the article, Metro seem very happy with it, they commissioned it, they paid me (yes Stephen, I know, fancy that), and I've got more writing work for other magazines as a result. The article is not exactly my magnum opus and I'm not going to die in a ditch if a bunch of Wellingtonians - quelle surprise - don't like an article called Capital Punishment.

My only issue with all of this, and the reason I waded in, was because Stephen was hating the playa, not the game, and claimed to know me, when as he's since admitted, he doesn't.

He's since admitted to me, in an email, "i'm a very angry person. you've copped it unfairly from me, and that's not good."

It's not exactly an apology, but I think I'll sleep at night.

That's pretty much me done with this one I think, so have your shots but don't expect to hear back. I've got some writing to do. Take care of yourselves and play nicely.

Dx