Let Wel­ling­tonista point you towards the Last Sup­per Club’s bible-quot­ing yummy sound­ing menu that’s avail­able at their web­site. Yes­ter­day it was more elab­or­ate, while the res­taur­ant fea­tures a much more simple ver­sion. How­ever, today, the real menu is online. We all live hap­pily ever after.

Here’s a hot tip for you – if you are a party of two, don’t make a reser­va­tion, because there’s only one table for two and it looks like the card table kids are sent to at Xmas. Instead, you should saunter in early, as this Wel­ling­tonista did, and secure your­self one of the small half-sized booths in the win­dow. Order a bottle of Pal­liser Autumn 2004 Riesling ($34). Per­use the trun­cated menu. Wait for your din­ing com­pan­ion. Fin­ish your glass of wine. Wait for your din­ing com­pan­ion. Order some fries. Be a little peeved when the waiter fills your glass again with that very very tasty wine, because this means that self con­trol is even harder. Wait for your com­pan­ion…

When your fries ($5) arrive, they will be crispy shoes­trings with a scat­ter­ing of lem­on pep­per, and teamed with a rather too sweet sweet chilli aioli. You’ll eat half of them before your din­ing com­pan­ion finally arrives, but at least you’ll be quick off the mark to tell the waiter that you’d like first the “stack of grilled haloumi with pros­ciutto, rock­et and basil on brush­cetta with roma toma­tos” ($12), and then the “warm rab­bit salad- mus­tard mar­in­ated loin of rab­bit, with a rose­mary, gar­lic noodle and mesclun salad drizzled with a bal­sam­ic vinai­grette” ($15). You’ll for­get that the salad men­tions noodles, and they will be a sur­prise to you later. You’ll prob­ably also instruct your din­ing com­pan­ion to order the sea­food plat­ter, even though you’re not that big on kai moana, but you know that she’ll dith­er oth­er­wise. She’ll order it with a side of greens, and you’ll both hope that the greens will come out at the same time as her plat­ter, which should arrive around the same time as your first entree.

The sea­food plat­ter will arrive with your haloumi, and it will be large and glor­i­ous and good-look­ing enough that you’ll snaffle up some of raw fish with green chil­lies, and the chilli and gar­lic squid which is super tasty but still squid-tex­tured, unfor­tu­nately. You’ll avoid the prawns, mus­sels, sal­mon dip and fresh anchovies, and wish that you did­n’t try the smoked fish cos it’s not to your fancy, but you’ll nev­er­the­less think that it looks like a bloody good time for someone with a taste for the sea, and well priced at $20. Mean­while your haloumi entree is small, and you’ll devour it quickly and grate­fully. When she sees that you’ve now pil­ing mus­sel shells on your empty plate, the wait­ress will offer to send out your rab­bit while your din­ing com­pan­ion is still pig­ging her way through the sea­food, and you’ll remem­ber to ask for her greens as well. You won’t receive either until after the sea­food has been cleared, how­ever, and your din­ing com­pan­ion won’t get cut­lery until you ask for it, whereupon the waiter will say that it’s policy to eat bro­colini with your fin­gers. You’ll for­give him for this though, because he’s try­ing very hard to squeeze out a few more drops from the wine bottle. The rab­bit will taste like gamey chick­en, and the warm sur­pris­ing pasta a little odd in com­bin­a­tion with cel­ery, but it’ll make you happy nev­er­the­less. You’ll each pay $45 and leave with fat tum­mies.