There comes a time in every­one’s life when they feel the need to leave Wel­ling­ton, even if it’s just for one day. No really, it hap­pens! And a par­tic­u­larly good day to get out of town, if you don’t like the col­our green, or pota­toes, or Guiness or drunk­en fake-Irish louts, would be this Sat­urday. So where to go to get away? How about a wine fest­iv­al – after we all know, that wine drink­ers are a bet­ter class of people than beer drink­ers – some­where out of town but still nearby?

Well it just so hap­pens that March 17 is your lucky day, with not one but two fest­ivals tak­ing place nearby. There’s the Wair­ar­apa Wines Har­vest Fest­iv­al in Glad­stone (as well as the Inter­na­tion­al Bal­loon Fiesta and the day before Round the Vines, and also the Great Wel­ling­ton Wine and Food Fest­iv­al in Paekakariki. So how do you choose which one to go to when they both cost $25 for an entrance fee? Take our quiz to find out.

1. Do you need to drink beer and listen to an Irish band to enjoy your day?
Yes/No

2. Are you the sort of per­son who would rent a heli­copter (at around $1500) to fly to a fest­iv­al?
Yes/No

3. Can you read John McGrath’s soci­ety pages in The Wel­ling­to­ni­an without want­ing to stab out your own eyes or throw up?
Yes/No

4. Don’t you remem­ber how awe­somely lovely all the Wair­ar­apa wine­makers were at the food show?
Yes/No

5. Do you agree with the state­ment “Paekakariki, boys are cheeky; Wair­ar­apa, girls are crap­per”?
Yes/No

If you’ve answered mostly yes, then to the Great Wel­ling­ton with you. If you’ve mostly answered no, then I will see you on Sat­urday in Glad­stone.