This list was pub­lished in abbre­vi­at­ed form in the first issue of Fish­Head, which is hav­ing its launch par­ty tonight. Here it is in all its smok­ing-pro­mot­ing, Ori­en­tal Bay-enrag­ing glo­ry…

1. Wan­der aim­less­ly around the Cuba Quar­ter: win­dow-shop, have cof­fee, sit in the Mall & peo­ple-watch, draw or pho­to­graph the build­ings.

2. Go to the water­front on a sun­ny day: Put your polaroid sun­glass­es on, then get some­thing nice in a cone from Kaf­fee Eis on the water­front, and go spot­ting eagle rays in the Frank Kitts park lagoon. Don’t for­get to point them out to swim­mers and peo­ple in small ves­sels.

3. Swim on the South Coast: Ori­en­tal Bay is for pussies. Any of the beach­es near Seatoun are where it’s at, or if you’re hard enough, brave the surf and the cold at Lyall Bay.

4. Go bush, then go posh: Zealan­di­a’s all very well, but take the #14 bus to Otari/Wilton Bush for free native bush­ery, water­falls, tui and an 800-year-old rimu. At night, take the #14 in the oth­er direc­tion to peek into all the expen­sive real estate along Ori­en­tal Parade and Rose­neath where the res­i­dents oblig­ing­ly leave all their lights on, and imag­ine what it would be like to be rich.

5. Hide out: Go to almost any bar that’s tucked away upstairs, in a base­ment or down an alley; Hooch, Hawthorn, Library, Good Luck, Watusi, Mighty Mighty are all gems.

6. Get cul­tured: Te Papa and the City Gallery are obvi­ous choic­es, but add vis­its to Manky Chops, the Adam Art Gallery and Muse­um of Welling­ton City and Sea and you’ll feel much more well-round­ed (and sore-foot­ed).

7. To mar­ket, to mar­ket: Head to Wai­t­an­gi Park on Sun­days for the City Market/Harbourside Mar­ket com­bo, plus fresh fish when the boat pull up to the dock.

8. Pic­nic on Par­lia­men­t’s lawn: We don’t mind if you have a sneaky smoke or a drink while you’re there, either. Try to imag­ine being able to do that in any oth­er coun­try.

9. Do a whirl­wind tour of the Hutt: No, real­ly! Go to the New­Dowse then head to Petone to stock up on amaz­ing cheese at Cul­tured , lust after all the pret­ty things at Wan­da Har­land then bot­tle your own arte­sian water.

10. Read The Welling­ton­ista every day