At last those of us who are not sportingly inclined have a reason to visit the Cake Tin, and what a reason it is! The annual food show is upon us again, and I hope you’ve been training. There really are few things that match drinking large amounts of tiny little cups of wine and beer, then stumbling upon free bacon sandwiches, drinking some more and then coming across more bacon sandwiches. It’s enough to bring tears to the eyes.

As a veteran of at least one season, the Wellingtonista thought we should probably provide some helpful hints for this marathon event.

1. Don’t eat breakfast unless you absolutely can’t leave the house without doing so. You want to make sure you get to try everything at the show, right?
2. Wear extremely comfortable shoes. You’re going to be walking for at least four hours if you want to work your way around the whole stadium. If you’re fashion conscious, this probably isn’t the place to care anyway, as you’ll be surrounded by more suburbanites than fooderati.
3. Take a backpack – do not underestimate the amount of stuff you will end up buying, especially wine. Remember you’re going to be drunk and caught up in the hype and excitement of it all, and there’s nothing worse than carrying plastic shopping bags around for four hours.
4. Take the bus or the train to the station. You’re going to get drunk and you shouldn’t need to care about driving afterwards.
5. Don’t make plans for the rest of the night. Chances are you’ll be at wine and cheese explode-o point and all you’ll be able to do will be lie on the floor alternating between groaning in pain and moaning in pleasure.
6. Try everything. Even if you’re of the “oh, I grind my own spices to form my own curry paste, I am culturally elite” still give the old Watties curry-in-a-tin type stalls a go. They can help to enforce your cultural superiority.
7. Get out of my way if you see me. I will be on a mission from Dionysus and you do not want to come between me and free stuff.

The Food Show, Friday 12 May – Sunday 14 May, 10am-6pm, Westpac Stadium.