Wellington has one daily newspaper, and that newspaper has one restaurant critic, who certainly has his own… distinctive style. The Fly has decided that David Burton needs some accountability. We’re giving him his own series.

The review: The Canteen – much more than a greasy spoon

David Burton is better than you: 4/5

“Although he had the right attitude, he did need to learn that when correcting cutlery between courses, you don’t lean over in front of guests, but move around the table.”

“Mixing balsamic vinegar through mascarpone to make a dressing seems so obvious that you’d wonder why the Italians don’t do it; perhaps it’s because of the murky colour that results, optimistically described by our waitron as “cappuccino”

Additional point awarded for the use of  ‘waitron’ – was there ever a more patronising word?

David Burton is down with the kids: 3/5

“Quinoa, a primitive grain of the Incas, first came to the attention of health advocates some 20 years ago, yet only now has the tiny grain become the it-food among the twenty-somethings who form The Canteen’s target market.” 

Yup, totally only twenty-somethings eating quinoa.

“While I’d rather not drink fine pinot noir from a clunky tumbler, I recognise that, like the wearing of grease-stained overalls, it’s the way of a canteen.” Dude is totally slumming it

David Burton uses a lot of fancy talk: 2/5

“The enduring image is of harried cooks standing over a steaming bain marie, slopping pog on to chunky plates and delivering it to a mass of clamouring hands “

Most of David’s adjectives were used to describe the actual decor or food this time, very disappointing.

Proportion of Burton to actual food talk: 1/5

Six paragraphs about the actual food at the Canteen and not one word about his travels to distant canteens. Poor effort, Burton.

Accuracy of review: 4/5

David’s points about the tabbouleh seem fair, but he didn’t like the brisket,while everyone else in the world does.