Taika with gun.jpgI’m going to ask 10 some­what inane ques­tions to some great local tal­ent, and report back here. First in the series is the divine Mr Tai­ka Cohen Wait­i­ti. His film Eagle Vs Shark is cur­rent­ly tak­ing Amer­i­ca by storm, and we here at Welling­ton­ista head­quar­ters are almost explod­ing with pride.

1. I keep com­ing back to Welling­ton because…
I live there and prob­a­bly always will.

2. I leave Welling­ton because…
I live there and prob­a­bly always will.

3. Welling­ton needs…
More bypass­es to coun­ter­act the orig­i­nal bypass. It also needs a giant sculp­ture of a man hold­ing a baby in one hand and a bazooka in the oth­er. In my opin­ion.

4. Welling­ton does­n’t need…
The Domin­ion Post or big mama bypass lady (you know who I mean)

5. When I’m bored I…
Wank off.

6. Giv­en a mil­lion dol­lars I’d…
Give it all away to the poor. And then I’d snatch it back and say “Psy­che!”. Then I’d laugh and laugh and laugh. Then I’d fly away with my own spe­cial­ly designed rock­et pack designed for me by sci­en­tists.

7. What is your favourite word?
Wank. It is so ridicu­lous. Espe­cial­ly with a New Zealand or Aus­tralian accent. Sounds more like Wenk.

8. Where is the best cof­fee?
South Amer­i­ca I imag­ine. The best cof­fee in Welling­ton can be found at that child-care cen­tre which dou­bles as a cafe down in Lyall Bay.

9. How do you man­age Mon­days?
I hide them in between Sun­day and Tues­day where they won’t be noticed. Some­times I place them in between Sat­ur­day and Sun­day just to fuck with peo­ples’ heads.

10. Would you rather be the next Peter Jack­son, or the next super­hero?
I’d rather be Peter Jack­son because he does­n’t need to run about in sil­ly pants try­ing to save peo­ple — he just bathes in a pool of mon­ey. Well, I don’t know if he does but that’s what I’d do. If I were rich I’d just lie around all day on a bed made of mon­ey and I’d just laugh and laugh and laugh. And wenk.