It does­n’t hap­pen all that often, but occa­sion­ally the Wel­ling­tonis­tas will plan excur­sions with friends from out of town that don’t entirely revolve around a bar. And on those times, we want to do things that are a little bit touristy, but not overly so, so this is how we do it.

How I enter­tain those from out of town who might not want to drink all day:

After the jump, tour­ist activ­it­ies ho!

A. The Chocolate Fish


You’ll have to be quick to get in and enjoy the Chocol­ate Fish (when is it clos­ing again?), and you’ll have to be patient to get a table, but the drive out to Scorch­ing Bay alone will make the trip worthwhile.This Wel­ling­ton cafe is such an insti­tu­tion it even has it own Face­book group (if you con­sider that to be a level of praise, which appar­ently news­pa­pers do, but any­one who belongs to Face­book would­n’t). There’s a lot to love about the place. Waiters in fluro vests deliv­er food across to the tables over­look­ing the water, the chairs will remind you of being back at school except they’re hand­painted with bright designs, there’s a big bottle of com­pli­ment­ary sun­screen by the water jugs, and the view out over the sea down to the South Island can­’t be beaten. After­wards if it’s warm, you can go for a swim at Scorch­ing Bay or in one of the many “secret” little bays that the Wel­ling­tonista favour. And if it’s too crowded to eat in, why not just grab one of their $6 gour­met shakes to go? Yes, that’s right. Six dol­lars for a milk­shake. That’s enough of a tour­ist des­tin­a­tion in its own right!

B. Tour of Parliament

(though you’ll need a drink after­wards)
There’s a reas­on why we get to see drunk politi­cians weave their way into cabs late at night slur­ring obscen­it­ies about vari­ous things. Wel­ling­ton is the Cap­it­al you see. We live in the seat of POWER Mwu hu ha ha HA!

Want to see where all that power sits and how it all works? Then go on the incred­ibly inform­at­ive tour of Par­lia­ment. Giv­en the Wel­ling­tonista’s 127 years com­bined pub­lic ser­vice we have done the tour many times and each time it’s dif­fer­ent and you learn new things.

Some­times, you are allowed to see the actu­al people you voted for at work. Let’s just say it’s not always inspir­ing.

C. City Gallery

You can spend hours here, as the spaces clev­erly carved out of the old lib­rary can hold any­thing from one major exhib­i­tion to four smal­ler ones. Tucked away in the back next to one of Wel­ling­ton’s best cafes (Nikau) is the tiny Michael Hirschfeld Gal­lery, which hosts an ever-chan­ging series of exhib­i­tions by loc­al artists. And even when it’s closed, there are video install­a­tions by the entrance to keep you enter­tained or bemused, and the whole front of the gal­lery is one big art­work, cour­tesy of Ral­ph Hotere and Bill Cul­bert.

D. That tree at the top of the cable car

tree
Com­ing to a new city and being shown around by a loc­al can be one of life’s true pleas­ures. Come over to my house, come over and play indeed!

Some­times the best things in life are free. Ima­gine if you will being whisked around the coast by car, tak­ing an aim­less walk through the city view­ing everything with fresh eyes, then hav­ing an exper­i­enced loc­al take you firmly by the elbow and steer you toward the cable car.

“Oh but the best is yet to come,” he claims. So true.

The botan­ic­al gar­dens offer a fant­ast­ic view of the city and a climb­able tree from which to be the queen of all you sur­vey. You know they say, “you can­’t beat Wel­ling­ton on a good day” – well we think it should be amended to “you can­’t beat Wel­ling­ton on a good day up a big-arsed tree” because noth­ing beats climb­ing a tree for good clean fun. One Wel­ling­tonista can mark her con­ver­sion from Auck­lander to wan­nabe Wel­ling­to­ni­an to one fine after­noon up a tree with a beer, a Ger­man tour­ist and a loc­al who knew how to show­case the charms of Wel­ling­ton.

WINNER!!!
E. Wellington waterfront on a sunny week day

dive
Is there any place more spec­tac­u­lar for a stroll than the water­front? We don’t think so. Read the beau­ti­ful sculp­ture poetry. Laugh at the kids (and adults!) jump­ing off the wharf. Oggle the dragon-boat­ers. Eat some gelato. Argue about wheth­er or not Te Papa is the fug­gli­est or most awe­some build­ing ever. And then point across the water at the Hutt and laugh. Man it’s great to be in Wel­ling­ton.

Pack a hip flask, and check out the “best­non­drink­ing” tag for ven­ues on Zoom­in.