Well, I know that in the “The Rules” it is commanded that you should never accept a Saturday date after Wednesday, but if you find yourself at an early Saturday evening loose end and you are near the Cuba quarter, may I suggest heading up to Enjoy gallery from 6:00pm onwards. Enjoy is currently holding a workshopping performance series and a little bird told me that there will be delicious tit bits for those willing to participate in some performance art.

The facebook event description sets the scene thusly:

“Anyone who has ever experienced a live piece of performance art is likely to have experienced confused expectations, a sense of embarrassment for the artist and or a desire for something successful to happen. Enjoy’s 2008 performance series addresses these issues for both audience and artist.”

More after the jump…

It’s true. They were toying with us.

In Christchurch news, a photo of Mayor Bob Parker with a dildo has been pulled from a website because it was apparently “not representative”.

In a totally unrelated question, has anyone seen any photos of Kerry with Rex lately?

Opening tonight at the Film Archive (this one well worth a look) is artist Nova Paul’s experimentation with the bright bold world of Technicolor.

Part trippy, wandering colourscape, part highly technical process, film geeks and art lovers will drool over this one…while many should remember her work from last year’s Prospect show at the City Gallery.

Plus she’s presenting a screening of some of her works alongside Technicolor gems from the Archive’s vault on Thursday 5 June – including the fascinating Tuberculosis: How it spreads: How to prevent it (1954, Morrow Productions, NZ)

Opening tonight 5:30pm at the Film Archive. Exhibition runs til Saturday 21 June.

As a fly, I am obviously disgusting and therefore a National voter. But it is entirely possible that you are a better person than me, and you might,therefore, be interested in mingling with others who are that way inclined, which is where this email we received might come in handy:

Drinking Liberally – promoting democracy one pint at a time
Like politics? Like drinking? If you answered yes to both these questions then join us for the launch of Drinking Liberally, a fortnightly event aimed at building ties among left-leaning people. So come along on Wednesday, grab yourself a pint and meet our guest speaker Nandor Tanczos, Green MP.

WHAT Launch of Drinking Liberally Wellington
WHEN 6pm, Wed 21st May
WHERE Southern Cross, Abel Smith Street
SPEAKER Nandor Tanczos, Green MP
CONTACT wellington@drinkingliberally.org

An order of 15 coffees is a lot. I know that. But when I go into a cafe, such as Espressoholic on Courtenay Place, this is not the exchange I expect.

Me: …long list of coffees…
Espressoholic Person: That’s a lot, that’ll take [the two baristas] ages to do.
Me: (in my head) Yes but I will pay you money in exchange for these good and services.
Me: (in reality) Oh well I can go to another place if it’s a problem…
E-hole: No. It’s just…(mutter mutter)

As time goes by a queue forms behind me, because it does take a long time to make 15 coffees (a fact which I aware of before making my order). Do the staff maybe take orders so that these poor folk don’t have to stand and wait? Nope. Obviously I’m the asshole holding up the line with my unreasonable demands for coffee in a coffee shop. So the order was completed and the various coffee types pointed out.

E-Hole: …and that’s the long black
Me: Sorry, I ordered two long blacks
E-Hole: No I just made one.
Me: (pause for thought) ok.

I paid and left. And finally E-holic, I can do without the sneering too, thanks.

So let’s say you’re a little bit unhinged, and you’re tired of picking up hookers on Marion Street and then running them over. What you really want is to stay home and play Grand Theft Auto, but you hate the fake New Yorkness of it all, and wish it could be a little bit more like home. Well we’ve got just the link for you – skin your game so that the police cars, taxis and ambulances are all familiar Wellington sights!

And of course, what’s a GTA story without some moral outrage surprisingly supportive commentary from Breakfast News?

The feud commences. I quite like the curmudgeon role.

Rob Olsen, the editor of the Wellingtonian has responded to my request that The Wellingtonista “Addressed Mail Only” sign be respected:

What is your house address?
Rob Olsen, editor, The Wellingtonian
474 0147
editor@thewellingtonian.co.nz

To which I replied:

Does that matter?
It’s the one with an “Addressed mail only” sign.
Please respect my wishes.

Because we’re super heroes dude, we can’t go giving our address out to the media, people would come & see us changing into our tights & capes.

Which got me this:

Is it 1 Woodward Street? It matters if you want the paper stopped.

It’s not, and I think it unfair to all the other “Addressed Mail Only” sign owners that we have to personally plead with anyone, to stop putting unwanted stuff on our property.

But Rob says it’s out of his hands. It’s the “System”.

Without an address I can’t act. We have to instruct the company that delivers the paper not to deliver to specific addresses. “Addressed Mail Only” is obviously not enough info. I am sorry to have to labour this point but that’s the system. Otherwise I suggest you take it up with my manager Diane Clayton on 474 0362.
Rob Olsen, editor, The Wellingtonian
474 0147
editor@thewellingtonian.co.nz

The first unstamped Foolscap envelope bearing the two copies of the Wellingtonian that were delivered last week should be arriving on Rob’s desk today or tomorrow.

That’s “The System” at work.

It’s all going on this Saturday afternoon in the southern suburbs. For a start, at Solander; works on paper in Lyall Bay is the opening of the show Near and Far: New prints by Kyla Cresswell and Inge Doesburg.

If any further inducements are required to guarantee your attendance, we have been assured that bubbles will be being served between 1 – 3pm.

Click on the image (above) to view the full invite, including a map to the gallery.

A question of comprehension:

A sign saying “Addressed mail only” on a letterbox means:

a) only items specifically addressed to an occupant of the premises to be posted in the letterbox?

b) who knows? Bung the junkmail in anyway?

Please note, we’ll be mailing any further copies dropped in the Wellingtonista letterbox (just below the “addressed mail only” sign) back to you without postage. Until it stops.