Pretentious, moi? Wellington has one daily newspaper, and that newspaper has one restaurant critic, who certainly has his own… distinctive style. The Fly has decided that David Burton needs some accountability. Welcome to this new series.

What review: David Burton on The Hangar

David Burton is better than you: 3/5

“Yet despite our enduring Kiwi attachment to milky flat whites and frothy cappuccinos, the fact is that coffee connoisseurship is now moving beyond espresso.” 

How very dare we? Don’t we know that’s not how they do that in Italy?

“Correctly spelt gremolata, this garnish is rather hilariously listed here as “germolata” (the perfect nickname, I’d have thought, for a grubby chef somewhere).”

David Burton is down with the kids: 5/5

” Flight Coffee’s giant roasting machine set an artisanal tone for the Hangar, where undressed timber paneling and bare concrete floors still enhance the hip warehouse aesthetic.”

“I imagine many parents these days, myself included, bang on at their kids about tattoos and how they limit career options. Yet you soon realise how ill-founded these prejudices are when you encounter the genuine affability and professionalism of all those who work front of house at the Hangar, where a thorough inking seems almost a precondition of the job.”

Also, he took along a vegan guest. Crikey. What next, taking public transport?

David Burton uses a lot of fancy talk: 3.5/5

“Hence espresso coffee beans are more about the bitter-sweet caramelised roasting profile than the inherent fruity acidity of the beans.”

“Call it pretentious if you will, but these notes did indeed stand out. As the coffee cooled, its citrus character came pleasantly to the fore.” You’re making this too easy for us, David.

Proportion of Burton to actual food talk: 4/5

Ten paragraphs about coffee, three about the food, two about tattoos. Seems legit.

Accuracy of review: ?/5

Embarrassingly, this Fly has never eaten at the Hangar. You win this time, Burton!