Welling­ton has one dai­ly news­pa­per, and that news­pa­per has one restau­rant crit­ic, who cer­tain­ly has his own… dis­tinc­tive style. The Fly has decid­ed that David Bur­ton needs some account­abil­i­ty. We’re giv­ing him his own series.

Nor­mal­ly the Fly is pre­pared to see David Bur­ton’s reviews as some kind of strange per­for­mance art, but his “review” of Goose Shack is a whole ‘nother mat­ter. In fact, it’s a such hor­ri­ble piece of clas­sist bull­shit, so the Fly can’t even use the reg­u­lar rat­ing sys­tem. Behold this open­ing pas­sage:

“To every pair of hip, com­fort­ably off breed­ers in their thir­ties, Berham­pore must seem quite the burb du jour.

The Vic­to­ri­an-Edwar­dian-bun­ga­loid hous­ing stock is equal­ly as charm­ing as adja­cent Island Bay’s, but not yet as expen­sive; and you can still sneak your kids into decile 10 Island Bay School.

Most of the sub­urb enjoys the same sun­ny, west-fac­ing aspect as adja­cent New­town, only there are none of New­town’s tow­er­ing high-rise coun­cil flats (whose ten­ants I believe repeat­ed­ly bur­gled my old house in Daniell St).”

Let’s remem­ber that this is in the­o­ry about a place you could go to dine at. Yet Bur­ton has decid­ed instead to per­pet­u­ate the stereo­type that peo­ple in coun­cil flats are crim­i­nals. To what end? Well it’s enhanc­ing his edge, isn’t it? He used to live in a rough area. David Bur­ton is so dar­ing! Now, my editrix Joan­na would have me add that when she was also bur­gled in New­town, it was in fact the police who told her it was like­ly to have been peo­ple from coun­cil hous­ing — which isn’t a par­tic­u­lar­ly use­ful thing to say, but the Fly is still not going to excuse Bur­ton here for this pile of shit. And as a Fly, I nor­mal­ly thrive in shit!

There is a total of one para­graph about the food in this piece. Just one.  The edi­tors of the Domin­ion Post should be ashamed that they allowed it to be pub­lished.

PS: Island Bay School is zoned, so if you’re buy­ing in Berham­pore just to get your kids into it, you’re prob­a­bly shit out of luck.

Island Bay School Zone - not including Berhampore
Island Bay School Zone — not includ­ing Berham­pore