ph33r my photoshop skillsNot that long ago, the London Time Out ran a feature on pirates in London to celebrate the release of Pirates of the Caribbean 2. Way to be hip, Time Out. Everyone who’s anyone knows that the actual most important movie this year is Snakes on Plane – or as some like to call it “Motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane”. So, in tribute to this movie that opens on Thursday, the Wellingtonista is proud to present this very special activity guide to recreating snakes on a plane in Wellington:

An obvious place to start looking for snakes would be the Wellington Zoo. But a look at their FAQ turns up this tidbit:
“Laws set by the Ministry of Agriculture and Forests (MAF) and the Department of Conservation (DOC) state that snakes cannot be imported in to New Zealand.”

Well that’s all very good and well, MAF, but what about the snakes that make it over here on the planes? Where are they going to go huh?

The Wellington zoo does have a reptile collection, so maybe you could get your cold-blooded fix there, since you’re not going to be seeing the tuatara all that often anymore otherwise.

So since there are no real snakes available in New Zealand (apparently!), a trip to the Met Shop on Swan Lane off Cuba St might be in order. Surely there will be toy snakes to be found here. Otherwise a trip to any dairy or supermarket should turn up some sour snakes – and also some jet planes.


Now that you have your snakes, it’s time to go and find a plane. You have three options here. The first is the most logical – you head to the airport. Park at the end of the runway out by Moa Point, climb onto your car bonnet ala Wayne’s World, and wait for a plane to come in. Hold up your snake in front of your eyes, and there you have it. Snakes on a Plane. It lives up to the hype, right?

Or head to a toy shop, or perhaps a model store and buy yourself a little plane. Put your snake on the plane. You are now a part of a cultural phenomenon.

Finally, if all else fails, get fish cakes with snake beans takeout from Chow and head out of town to the Horowhenua Plains. Aren’t you punny?