An order of 15 coffees is a lot. I know that. But when I go into a cafe, such as Espressoholic on Courtenay Place, this is not the exchange I expect.

Me: …long list of coffees…
Espressoholic Person: That’s a lot, that’ll take [the two baristas] ages to do.
Me: (in my head) Yes but I will pay you money in exchange for these good and services.
Me: (in reality) Oh well I can go to another place if it’s a problem…
E-hole: No. It’s just…(mutter mutter)

As time goes by a queue forms behind me, because it does take a long time to make 15 coffees (a fact which I aware of before making my order). Do the staff maybe take orders so that these poor folk don’t have to stand and wait? Nope. Obviously I’m the asshole holding up the line with my unreasonable demands for coffee in a coffee shop. So the order was completed and the various coffee types pointed out.

E-Hole: …and that’s the long black
Me: Sorry, I ordered two long blacks
E-Hole: No I just made one.
Me: (pause for thought) ok.

I paid and left. And finally E-holic, I can do without the sneering too, thanks.

So let’s say you’re a little bit unhinged, and you’re tired of picking up hookers on Marion Street and then running them over. What you really want is to stay home and play Grand Theft Auto, but you hate the fake New Yorkness of it all, and wish it could be a little bit more like home. Well we’ve got just the link for you – skin your game so that the police cars, taxis and ambulances are all familiar Wellington sights!

And of course, what’s a GTA story without some moral outrage surprisingly supportive commentary from Breakfast News?

The feud commences. I quite like the curmudgeon role.

Rob Olsen, the editor of the Wellingtonian has responded to my request that The Wellingtonista “Addressed Mail Only” sign be respected:

What is your house address?
Rob Olsen, editor, The Wellingtonian
474 0147
editor@thewellingtonian.co.nz

To which I replied:

Does that matter?
It’s the one with an “Addressed mail only” sign.
Please respect my wishes.

Because we’re super heroes dude, we can’t go giving our address out to the media, people would come & see us changing into our tights & capes.

Which got me this:

Is it 1 Woodward Street? It matters if you want the paper stopped.

It’s not, and I think it unfair to all the other “Addressed Mail Only” sign owners that we have to personally plead with anyone, to stop putting unwanted stuff on our property.

But Rob says it’s out of his hands. It’s the “System”.

Without an address I can’t act. We have to instruct the company that delivers the paper not to deliver to specific addresses. “Addressed Mail Only” is obviously not enough info. I am sorry to have to labour this point but that’s the system. Otherwise I suggest you take it up with my manager Diane Clayton on 474 0362.
Rob Olsen, editor, The Wellingtonian
474 0147
editor@thewellingtonian.co.nz

The first unstamped Foolscap envelope bearing the two copies of the Wellingtonian that were delivered last week should be arriving on Rob’s desk today or tomorrow.

That’s “The System” at work.

It’s all going on this Saturday afternoon in the southern suburbs. For a start, at Solander; works on paper in Lyall Bay is the opening of the show Near and Far: New prints by Kyla Cresswell and Inge Doesburg.

If any further inducements are required to guarantee your attendance, we have been assured that bubbles will be being served between 1 – 3pm.

Click on the image (above) to view the full invite, including a map to the gallery.

A question of comprehension:

A sign saying “Addressed mail only” on a letterbox means:

a) only items specifically addressed to an occupant of the premises to be posted in the letterbox?

b) who knows? Bung the junkmail in anyway?

Please note, we’ll be mailing any further copies dropped in the Wellingtonista letterbox (just below the “addressed mail only” sign) back to you without postage. Until it stops.

Remember that time that I went to Capitol for a Serisen wine dinner that cost $85 and was fricking amazing? Well it turns out that there’s something similar happening every month at Cellar-Vate, but for only $35! Holy crap! So, in order to investigate this phenomenon for you, my dear reader, my fearless dining companion Karen and I subjected ourselves to six courses of food matched with Clearview wines last night. Oh the humanity.

It’s such a hardship to sit down to dine with new people just waiting to become your friends, Rachel from Cellarvate who took the time to explain her menu selections, and two people from the winery to chat to. Food was served on communal plates, and while it wasn’t huge amounts of anything, even Karen and I, who do like our food a lot, left satisfied. You need to go to Cellar Vate on Molesworth and ask them to put you on their mailing list so you can come along to the next diner. The menu after the jump.

For the last few weeks there’s been an air of rockin’ excitement passing around Capital City… and lots of flights being booked down here from that place up north that houses the Aucklandista. Reminiscing on social networking sites has reached a frenzied peak and the rumours have been proved true – the Hasselhoff Experiment are reforming for a once-only show this weekend in Wellington.
More after the jump….

Everyone loves a good apostrophe catastrophe. I was delighted to find this one at a chemist near the train station:

ORLY?

I was thinking maybe it’s a product name, like “Dr Fight’s Cold & Flu Remedy”, but realistically it seems like just another sad case of a horribly misplaced apostrophe.

duz no1 prfrd ne mor?

In an effort to encourage people to leave their cars at home, Greater Wellington has announced that from July 1 this year, bikes can ride on trains for free.

At the moment, travelling by rail with your bike will cost you another adult fare.

Sounds like a good idea to us. There is a caveat however, if the train is full, your bike cannot ride at all.

Stuff coverage here.

Expat Wellingtonian keytar-toting fashionista sexpots Charlie Ash are back in town and playing at Bodega this Saturday.

There’s the usual huge line-up of support acts, including MC Stormtrooper, Trimasterbate and Heat Like Me, who some of you may remember from the recent L.E.D.s gig. They’re a little bit Eighties electro and just a little bit late-Nineties techno (not that there’s anything wrong with that), and they should complement Charlie Ash’s punky lycra-glam just so.

But for those who want their rock with a little less glitter and a whole lot more feedback, Saturday night may be better spent at Happy, where Wellington’s favourite post-prog-drone-noise outfit The Stumps take on Melbourne’s Elise & Jem and Huttite ambient-art-metal superstars Black Boned Angel. If you’re undecided and brimming with stamina you might try making it to both: but good luck trying to find an outfit to suit both gigs.